“Le Pain” in the Ass
The world is trying to move back to “normal”, and that’s fine, but here I am, still carrying this hankering for trying something new that I’ve never done before. It’s kind of intimidating to be, honestly. Can I do this? How will this turn out? I overthink a whole lot of things that I know I shouldn’t and don’t give enough thought to things I should - I just dive in, head first to them.
What has been on my mind and burning a hole there? Bread. I am not like other pandemic people who jumped into cooking, baking and doing all the cutesy stuff I saw on social media. That isn’t me. I can cook but my husband is more passionate about it and therefore better at it than me. That’s fine. I am not encroaching nor feel “less”. This isn’t a competition with him. It is a me thing. I’m scared of bread.
Well, I’m not scared of bread, per say, but I’m nervous about learning something new that I honestly no nothing about. Will I burn it? Will the smoke alarms go off? Will I catch my house on fire? I replay these worst case scenarios in my head as I look at the shiny, brand new bread maker, terrified of it.
This idea of baking has been a desire I’ve had for awhile. It keeps haunting me like a restless spirit to go give it a try. “Go bake something. You know you want to”, it whispers to my conscious.
Yeah, I want to, but at the same time, what if I mess this up and the results are a disaster? Better yet, what if they aren’t? What if I make something amazing?
I think there in lies something we, as creators, all struggle with. That internal critic who is super-judgey before we even have a chance to try. I’m learning to shut this zealot up and shut it down before it even has a chance to take up unwelcome space in my head and give me anxiety over something as trivial as making bread. Sheesh.
No one is a pro when they first learn something new and that includes breadmaking or whatever piques our interest. I may try this one time and never do this again but the thing is, I’m trying. I’m learning. I’m not a professional and I don’t pretend to be.
We all start somewhere, and today, I’m starting in the kitchen with this bread maker. The results might be disasterous, but they will be results nonetheless. I will try and learn. I will fail. I will get it right with time, patience and practice. I refuse to let my fear of failure and my Type A strive for perfectionism run rampant with something I am interested in. Don’t let your fear hold you back from trying something new. It will be worth the effort even though it feels like “le pain” in the ass.
