Here’s Why My 2023 Wrapped Has Nothing to do With Spotify

I feel like I’ve learned a lot and grown tremendously this year, but it has not come without some very hard lessons, acceptance, dedication, and emotions. “Being comfortable with the uncomfortable” has sort of become my mantra when I look back over 2023 and my entire life.

I share these things with you in hopes that someone else who is reading this who may feel lost, uncertain, or questioning themselves may not feel so alone. I have felt alone for most of my life because I realize that I have always been trying to fit in with other people, to be accepted and liked, and have been extremely exhausted mentally and emotionally by their stings of rejection in some way in trying to swim upstream while the current was always trying to pull me in a different direction.

As a child, I think I was always sort of a weird kid. Who am I kidding? I am still weird, but I have learned to accept and continually love that part of me hard because that inner child has been really stigmatized and treated badly. I learned to stuff my quirks deep down and not let others see how I truly am. I’m highly neurotic and worry about things that I shouldn’t because I don’t want to see other people hurt. I am trying to point these things out so they will avoid pitfalls because I am really in tune with how people feel and what they’re thinking without them ever uttering a word. This is the curse of being an empath.

After losing someone I cared for earlier this year, it became the catalyst for me to have some honest and hard conversations with myself about who I truly am. I was laid off from my job as an Instructional Designer and honestly, while I was terrified about how my family was going to survive, it was the best thing that could have happened to me. That time of not having to mask up to be around neurotypical people allowed me to relax, grieve, and then figure my shit out. I knew that all the trauma and mental health issues that I was dealing with had all happened for a reason. I refused to accept that these things happened to me and changed the narrative to that they happened for me. See the difference here?

I have very little compassion for learned helplessness, which is something I learned about in General Psychology. I choose life, I don’t allow life to choose me.

Because I have lost so many people to death, I know hard incredibly difficult it is to feel this type of loss. Each person that I’ve lost has impacted me in some way and I have grieved differently for each one of them. I didn’t grieve for my mom the same way that I grieved for my first fiancé, nor was his early passing handled the same way that I processed the loss of my father or many friends.

After the loss that comes from someone dying by suicide, I knew that this was my calling. I wanted to help people not feel so alone and find comfort without judgment from the pain that they were carrying around that is extremely heavy.

When I was a little girl, if you asked me, I would tell you that when I grew up, I wanted to be a counselor. At almost 47 years old, I feel like I am back on that path of fulfilling my life’s purpose. I am a crisis counselor and have been doing this work since early 2023. I am also working on my Psychology degree and volunteering as a crisis counselor for a different 988 organization, too.

I recently decided to pursue writing posts for helping animals in terrible situations but can honestly say that was the worst decision I could have made for myself for several reasons. I realized that was not my place and felt that it drove a huge wedge in me about not living my truth nor my purpose. I was there only seven days when I handed in my immediate resignation and went back to the work that I truly love. I feel like I am back home and am continuing my journey. I made a huge mistake and sometimes making mistakes are the greatest teachers in life – at least they have been for me.

So, if you’ve been wondering why I used to be able to produce blogs so often and now am not, you see me on social media at odd hours, or you’re wondering what happened to me – Hi, I’m still here. I am just really focused on bettering myself and learning so that I can, in turn, do my part in helping others.

I’m neurodivergent, have mental health issues, care deeply about small things, and feel everything bigger than neurotypical people do. I love my fellow weirdos hard because I know how hurtful it is to feel rejected.

If you’re reading this and wondering what your life’s purpose is, I encourage you to spend some time alone with yourself and ask yourself what really matters to you? Everyone is different and there is no wrong answer when you’re planting the seeds of harvesting your life. The answers will come in ways that you may never have guessed. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Take that brave step towards finding yourself, do all things with love, and you’ll discover your legacy.

Stay well.