I've Got a Super Power!
I've got a super power! I don't feel like I can contain this secret any longer and need to share it with the world.
Now that I have your attention, let me give you a little bit of background so you can fully envelop this for yourself.
About 20 years ago, I was shocked to discover that I am actually an Introvert. This may come as a surprise to some, but trust me, no one was as surprised to uncover this as I was. If that Myers-Briggs test had a grade, I would've counted on passing with flying colors and been horrified to be handed back a barely passing "D -".
Most that meet me would describe me as "outgoing, friendly and welcoming". This is true...to some extent. Those that are quick to jump to these qualities in their description have only caught me at the right moment in time, like during those meeting exchanges when you have to be your best. Like when you're meeting a teacher or a new work group. I, honestly, find those moments grueling and my mind immediately goes into this random weird place where I am oh so thankful my thoughts cannot be heard. Here's just an example of what it's like for me in a matter of 10 seconds:
Me verbally: "Hi, it's nice to meet you."
Them verbally: "Hello, what have you been up to lately?"
Me physically: Standing there in awkward silence for a second while this mental train runs at full speed, crashes and burns with people screaming inside of it.
Me mentally while this train is running at full speed: "Did you watch American Horror Story last night?! Did you see the Re-Tweet from the Church of Satan calling out American Horror Story writers for their misappropriation of the Anton LaVey character?" I was floored about this for a few reasons.
First off, who knew that the Church of Satan had a Twitter account! I was shocked to see that.
Secondly, they blasted American Horror Story over social media about it. Wow.
Also, what did you think about the Directorial debut of Sarah Paulson?
Me verbally: "Oh not much. How are you?' - purposely deflecting the question off of me to them to not have to have the conversation that just ran through my head and would have left them looking for the nearest exit.
It is not easy to be me. If I freely spoke about the crazy thoughts I have to just anyone on the street, they'd try to convince my husband to have me committed. Also, I know that they would get too wrapped up in "hot point" words such as "Church of Satan" and "Anton LaVey" and completely miss the whole point I was trying to make to deepen the discussion about "Twitter" and "Directorial debuts". Sigh...so I find it easier to just respond with a defector of mediocrity.
I honestly loathe having to go through the motions of small talk. I seek deep conversations with meaning. You know, the kind you have late at night over coffee with a close friend, where you're changing minds and solving world problems at Denny's at 3am. I struggle with even trying to verbalize what I'm trying to say at times, because my mind never pauses long enough to let words move from my brain to my mouth the way I want to express it.
I can also profess that being an Introvert certainly has it perks. I can read people's thoughts and emotions like a book without them knowing that I know, until the time is right to discuss these things. That is generally where I let them just talk and I ease into "I know how badly your ego craves recognition." or "I know how upset you are right now that you didn't get that promotion". That is my super power, guys. I am processing what you're feeling, thinking and behavior you're displaying probably faster than you can even acknowledge. Don't fret. Your secret is safe with me.
That is my INFJ intuition kicking into high gear and being able to relate, so I can help you wade through your mud. You may not like what I have to say if you ask me for advice, because I am not a sugar-coater of truths. I will always lay it all out there as I see it for you to do with it what you will.
And for those who are hung up on the awkward mess I can be at times, the whole Twitter exchange thing actually happened. You can read more about it here.
Oh one more secret to share, dear reader. We all have a super power. It's what you do with it that matters.
