The Vortex of Change
Do you feel that? That mixed bag of emotion that is sinking in your gut is called change. Boy, do I know a thing or a million things about it.
Change seems to hit whenever we least expect it. We get comfortable with our lives, like a warm blanket all safe and cozy. Suddenly, out of nowhere, change is there to rip the covers off and kick us out onto the cold, hard ground. The feeling is never pleasant.
But, in these moments, we have two choices - either lie there and freeze to death or get up and fight back.
I feel like I have always been a fighter. Life pushes me and I push right back. I have never been one to just "lie there and take it".
Change is all around us and is truly the only constant in life. Instead of running from it, I've learned to throw myself into it. That is the only way I've survived.
My life has never been an easy one. I have seen my fair share of tribulations, just as you certainly have. But, instead of letting the cards I have been dealt rule me, I take that bull by the horns and learn from it. Each day gives us the opportunity to learn, if you just take time to reflect and really listen to the message. It's those pivotal moments of change that make us or break us.
I always half jokingly say, "I'm a poster child for counseling, but am the most normal person you'll ever meet." Why is that? It's because of my choices.
It would be very easy for me to walk around and be a victim or be bitter towards everyone, but I choose not to. I choose to be grateful, happy, at peace with myself and know that everything I do is with integrity and in being genuine. I relish in the good because we all have our fair share of the bad.
I enjoy listening to others' struggles in hopes I can find the right words to comfort them and let them know, no matter what "This too shall pass". If it's bad, I've probably experienced it and lived through it long enough to say that, "Even when it feels like the end, it is not yet the end."
Breathe. Take one day at a time. If that is too much, then take one moment at a time.
Remember, if you ever need a trusted non-judgmental ear, I am always here. Things will get better. I promise.
You’re Fired…
Guess what happened to me today?
No, I wasn't fired from my day job. I fired my day job.
For the past few years, I realized that being an Instructional Designer/Trainer just wasn't the same anymore for me. I lost my passion and the torch went completely out. I wasn't giving it my all because other people who have no training background or understand adult learning principals were constantly telling me how training should be done. Let me ask you something? Do you go to your mechanic and tell them the exact thing that is wrong with your car, how to fix it and how much it is going to cost, due to labor? No. You let the professional handle their shit and do their thing.
My job had become so convoluted that I had the "Vice President of Toilets" telling me what needs to go in and be covered in a course. Seriously? Well, not to that exact level, but I think you get the idea. People of no stature or any ideas of how training should look, feel, act and walk suddenly became the training expert. Imagine trying to make 14 of these assholes happy and they all have conflicting wants and needs. You'll never win in this situation. Sadly, they've only failed themselves and those companies in doing business this way.
Today was the day I fired my high dollar corporate America training job. Right now, I am feeling ecstatic and terrified at the same time. That safety net is now gone and I'm totally depending on me and my abilities to write my ass off to pay my bills. But you know what? It feels great because I have bosses and a team that work with me and not against me for us to be the amazing powerhouse that we are. Everyone knows their place and they stay in their lane. We are always willing to help each other out, no questions asked. It is a true brotherhood or family on this side of the tracks.
Now, I can do more and be better because I don't have this 8 hour time clock hanging over my head and dealing with these idiots who don't know a thing about what they're doing, or who are fake and try so hard to keep up appearances or gossip about you while they smile and pull the knife out of your back. I'm an adult and I handle my business like an adult. I'm genuine and warm and cheerful. These people brought out the worst in me - moodiness, anxiety, constant stress, mental and emotional exhaustion just to try to keep it together. I just couldn't do it anymore. No dollar signs in the world are worth it - trust me.
Today that call came. All these years of only competing with myself to be better than I was yesterday just paid off. All the time I dedicated to my side hustle I'm truly passionate about just became my new, official full time career. I'm so excited, I'm not sure if I'm even going to be able to sleep tonight.
I know I am not the only one. I see it in your posts about how miserable you are because you're being led by some idiot, at a place you cannot stand, in a toxic work environment just to go home in a shitty mood every day and get up and hit repeat every single day. No more. Your life's meaning is way more important that that. You're more important that that. Find your happy place, put your heart and soul into it and fire that job.
Drowning in Dispair
Guys, I have a confession to make. I've been really struggling lately with feeling completely down in the dumps.
I woke up one day about a week ago and just felt...well, sad. About everything.
I haven't had a steady full time job in months. I feel like I have no purpose or direction right now. Interview after interview, phone screen after phone screen. Nothing. This continued rejection really starts to wear on you after awhile. You feel hopeless, worn out, worthless.
You start to question everything. "Am I not trying hard enough?", "Why won't they hire me?" "What did I do wrong?", "Did I say something I shouldn't have?"
Day after day, you wake up and feel this sense of heavy dread. You carry it around like a 90 pound weight, while you continually sink. You decline invitations to the movies, going for ice cream and everything in between because you feel guilty for spending a dime, when you know you have to save everything you have to live.
Then that guilt gets to a point that you wake up and wonder what you are even doing with your life. You quit your day job to pursue your dream. You start second guessing everything you've done in the last six months that had led you to this point of choking.
Welcome to hell.
There are days where I don't even want to get out of bed. I stay up late, worrying. I exhaust myself, torturing myself with my own anxieties to the point that when I finally crash for the night (or is it day?) I sleep for hours and wake up in a panic because I've overslept my day away.
I throw on clothes, brush my teeth, apply deodorant and go and sit in front of the computer for hours writing and applying for jobs. Every day runs into the next and feels exactly as the one before. Repeat. Repeat again. Suffer the defeats over and over.
I don't find joy in the little things I used to anymore. I feel like I'm re-evaluating my entire existence. I feel like a complete failure to everyone around me, so I distance myself to keep my garbage to me and me alone. I just go through the motions of life, but my heart and mind are just too heavy.
Somewhere along the way, I locked myself up and away from others because I don't want to feel like a burden to them. I went silent.
Last night, I sat and thought for a long time after reading a book that dives deep into "Asking for Help" when you need it. That is something I have NEVER been good at and would easily score an "F" on if I were graded on this subject. My pride hurts just admitting that. I'm tearing up right now in shame, as a matter of fact writing this.
This is life, this is real and this is my plain of non-existence.
Today, something small happened. I woke up early, slammed some coffee, got dressed and put make up on. I refuse to let this situation get the best of me. I came to the computer and played five songs that have always uplifted my spirit when it was troubling me. Baby steps, ya'll.
I had a video interview and a few hours later got the typical "Thanks but no thanks" email from the interviewer. For once, I didn't care. "Next!", I told myself as I was hit up by 3 more recruiters. This is the week I reclaim my mental state and get myself off this train of despair. I am not hopeless or helpless.
My life has been filled with moments worse than this and I have survived them. I will not let myself succumb to a victim mentality. I am stronger than that.
I know someone reading this knows someone who could use a good writer, social media manager or trainer. I might be that person for them but I will not let this temporary situation ruin me or my family. If you know of someone who is looking, please send them my way. Until then, I'm just going to keep moving forward and climb out of this pit I have sat in for far too long.
Please check on your family and friends who go quiet. This isn't normal. You might be the glimmer of hope that can move mountains for them and make a world of difference. Be that person for them because they need it more than you know.
Don't leave it up to us to put our hands up while we silently drown. It's very scary and lonely here. A life preserver will not be unappreciated.
Embrace a Little Bit of Darkness Today
Since the novel’s original publication in 1818, the Creature has been commonly (and mistakenly) been referred to by the creator’s last name of “Frankenstein”.
Coming in at 8 feet tall, covered in yellow skin and topped with black hair, an experiment was successful in raising the dead and our fears in this mad science experiment gone awry. Today, we celebrate a being that is simply identified in a timeless gothic novel with names such as "creature", "monster", "spectre", "wretch", "thing", "fiend" and "it".
The experiment comes alive after a bolt of lightning is directed through the body of the stitched together corpse. This successful experiment was done to instill life into the lifeless. Dr. Frankenstein created an unknown method to bestow life to the unliving.
Rejected by everyone he meets, the Creature is a sensitive brute, who only wants to share life with another. When his desire to share love and find acceptance in the world is denied repeatedly, he swears revenge on Viktor Frankenstein, his creator.
Dubbed the true first science fiction novel, the classic by Mary Shelley turned a nightmare of innovation into an icon of horror pop culture. Fans of Frankie cannot seem to get enough of the creature and the fandom has spawned movies, music, merchandise, television, video games and more - placing the creature in the top ranks of the illustriously infamous member of the Universal Monster squad.
We are celebrating Frankenstein Day by wearing the Undying Love shirt, sipping out of the Valentine’s Day 2019 green tankard that embodies the same design and carefully playing with the one thing that struck fear into the creature’s heart.
Embrace a little bit of darkness today.
It's Like Taking Candy from a Baby...Literally
“I just need to check your candy” is both a great reason and excuse to dig through the little ghosts and goblins Halloween collection buckets and pocket a few favorites. Is there shame in doing this? It’s like taking candy from a babe, literally.
The kids aren’t happy about it and their reactions about it are raw.
Take a look at last year’s “Hey Jimmy Kimmel, I Told My Kids I Ate All Their Halloween Candy” if a reminder is needed of the cherished and loved tradition of their reactions to alleged candy thievery by adults.
I guess kids haven’t gotten the memo that adults have hijacked Halloween, and some seem to enjoy the festivities as much as they do. The kids might have dominion over the treats, but adults are true rulers of tricks.
Last year, the New York Post wrote an opinion piece called “Greedy Parents are Ruining Halloween for the Kids”. In it, the author expressed her dismay over adults who were in the spirit of the season more than she cared for them to be. “I had grown men push past me for fun-size Snickers candy bars.” Well yeah. Who doesn’t like the gift of chocolate, lady?
It takes a lot of effort and energy to take these small witches and werewolves out and move them from house to house until they feel their mission of maximum candy level has been reached. There is usually a meltdown or crying involved when their told “It’s time to head home now.” Is handing out a Snickers bar to someone over 18 years old who’s been spending hours outside with these tiny terrors too much to ask for these days?
I say Nay. Show up at my house, in costume, say the three magic words and I’ll happily reward you with some candy for putting forth the effort to celebrate All Hallows Eve. Your age makes zero difference to me.
These have to be the same people who believe that there are people who hand out razor blades, rat poison and drugs to kids. They don’t participate, so they want to destroy it for others.
Please take your imaginary fear and hysteria somewhere else on this magical night. Some of us enjoy being visited by the unrecognizable, even if you do not.
It’s just one night that only comes once a year. Make it magical and memorable for anyone (or anything) who wishes to visit your doorstep this October 31st
Disney's Dark Side
Disney has a dark side and I love it when they let this side show. I’m not talking about The Force today. I mean the older things that truly go bump in the night and scared the crap out of us as kids.
In 1940, Disney released Fantasia and included is the poetic segment entitled Night on Bald Mountain. Originally composed by Russian composer Modest Mussorgsky, the piece was almost lost due to the creator’s untimely death due to alcoholism at 42.
Friends and follow composers, Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky and Nikolay Rimsky-Korsakov revived the scene depicting the pagan festivities of the midsummer Slavic holiday. Summer solstice involves water, fire and fertility rituals, as witches and spirits gather to celebrate St. John’s Night on Bald Mountain, as originally translated.
St. John became attached to the ancient celebration when the church attempted to appropriate and alter the festivities. Mussorgsky was inspired by Nikolay Gogol’s short story “St. John’s Eve.”
Night on Bald Mountain closely follows descriptions that Mussorgsky had crafted on his original score of the poem. The main demon, Chernabog, was animated by Ukrainian born artist, Vladimir Tytla, whom conducted character research on the forklore of the story.
Actor Bela Lugosi was hired to provide reference poses for Chernabog, but Tytla was unhappy with the results of the 1931 Dracula star. Wilfred Jackson, Director of the segment, posed shirtless, and gave Tytla the look that Disney fans know today as Chernabog.
Walt Disney called Chernabog, “the devil himself”.
Fantasia is the 23rd highest grossing film of all time in the U.S. when adjusted for inflation and the franchise has grown to include video games, Disney attractions and concerts. The film has grown in reputation over the years and is now widely acclaimed.
The film’s representation includes the famous Ave Marie score accompaniment by composer Franz Schubert. In its original theatrical cut, the musical piece was intentionally added to provide “an emotional relief to audiences tense from the visual shock" of Night on Bald Mountain”, however I prefer adding this sync by Slayer to give it a whole different experience.
One Man, One Purpose
The vaping community was rippled with the shock of the news that the man who made us laugh and did so much for others was gone on February 3rd 2019. The man known as The Vaping Jackass quickly got the community involved and grew on you like a case of convention crud. You know before attending these events that you’re likely to get sick, but it doesn’t stop you from attending, being amongst friends, meeting new ones and interacting with brands in the industry.
The more I got to know Mike the more I realized how unique he was. January 11, 2018 was the day he smoked his last cigarette. This man had only been involved in vaping for a little over a year. Please keep that in mind the next time you don’t think you can make a difference because you haven’t “been around long enough”. This man made strides.
Even now, something as simple as flipping back through his social media pages, I find myself laughing at insane memes and funny videos he made. His ability to hijack Meatloaf’s “I Would Do Anything For Love” video and spin it into vaping was classic Mike.
When ‘The Loaf’ is right in the middle of the highlight of explaining his emotions and reiterating the title upon the viewer three times and inject a quick “Stop Buying Vape Gear?” gets added and then proceeds in song “But I won’t do that” gets me in the comedy feels every single time. Because we all know it’s true, let’s be honest.
Then, you stumble upon and watch a video of him talking about vaping advocacy and getting involved in this fight. Hearing his voice echoing through my soul tears me apart. The man truly cared about this community, protecting this industry and being a silent hero for tons of families at Christmas because of his idea of raising money for Toys for Tots.
I met Mike because of a video that I noticed done by Tony B. of the Vapor Trail Channel. Tony called for the community to get involved and help families during Christmas. He was the brainchild behind The Toys for Tots Charity Raffle. Some of you may recall seeing this posted on the Vape News website. The post was entitled “The Season of Giving”.
“WE do this. WE help kids. WE give happiness”, says Mike. Mike knew this was just his idea but also knew it was about the kids’ and their families.
Company owners donated willingly to Mike’s mission. Mike and the Admins of his charity worked effortlessly to gather and package winnings of this raffle. Participants who donated as little as $5 were offered a chance to win one of five prize backs that were valued at over $2000.00 each.
Word spread like wildfire about the 2018 charity raffle and within a few days there wasn’t enough space left on the image that was created naming the people and companies involved.
Mike and I spoke many times about the Toys for Tots Charity Raffle. His goal for 2018 was $10,000 and fell slightly short of what Mike wanted to do, coming in at $6,764.36. the last time we spoke, he was already making plans for 2019. He wanted to kick it off March 1st, 2019 and this years goal he wanted $50,000. No dream too small for Mike.
For those that wish to participate, please request to join the ‘Toys for Tots Charity Waffle’ group on Facebook. Mike would’ve gladly offered all of us who wanted to help a seat at the table.
In Mike’s last post within this Facebook group, he mentions that there were already 40 or so sponsors for 2019 and the 2019 drive hadn’t started at the time of that post. He said, “Thanks for sticking around and for choosing to do this again this year. There's a lot of things going on where your donations help and your continued support means the world to not only me, but to the hundreds of children we may help this year. Together, we are many, and we do much.”
It is still very hard to believe that Mike is not of this Earth anymore, but his spirit of spunk and generosity is shared. This has been the hardest piece I’ve ever written for Vape News because it comes straight from my heart and out to the community that both loved him, some were probably irritated by him and those who never met him. Mike Schneider meant something to each of us.
Our time with Mike was certainly not long enough but his legacy will live on through his spirit of giving and helping the families of underprivileged kids celebrate every season. For that, we are truly blessed to have Mike here with us – even if it was just for a short while on earth but forever in our spirit.
We will miss his crazy videos and funny memes, long discussions while he drove his rig across the states, his passion for this community and the great pictures he took of Roo and Whippy. I truly miss you, buddy and I know I am not the only one.
One of his last posts spoke to what really mattered to Mike. He wrote: “Humans need to stop worrying about little things that go wrong. Shit happens. We have complete control over very little in our lives. Acceptance of that = an inner peace that you likely never thought possible.”