5 Things My Divorce Taught Me

While everyone’s situation is unique, these are just five things I learned from mine. My hope is that they bring comfort to a reader who needs to hear these words right now.

I was married at 25 and divorced at 33. My ex-husband and I were married for almost 7 years. During that time, we did things that typically married twenty something couples do together. We bought and sold cars, accumulated debt, moved in and out of apartments, built a house, changed jobs, had pets and and a baby. One day, everything changed.

There is not a winner in any divorce situation, even though I credit mine as being “the friendliest divorce in history”. Both sides lose — friends, family, sleep, finances, lifestyles, you name it.

1. This is not the end. I know it feels like it right now, but it truly isn’t. Change is very uncomfortable and I struggled horribly. I remember nights I would pick up my daughter from her new daycare and would go home to our new apartment and cry my eyes out over “not wanting to be a statistic” and the heavy burdens I felt for leaving a situation I no longer felt was right for ANY of us, ripping her from a school she loved to be among new caretakers, taking half of her toys so she’d still have some for the times she went to her dad’s, not knowing what to do with myself on the weekends she would go spend time with him, trying to balance this new life with work, being asked about it from everyone, moving through the divorce process. It was all just too much.

Every day was something new and every moment was something new. I was dealing with a whirlwind of both my daughters and my emotions but I was determined to make this new life work for us. Slowly, things started falling into place, because I had this little three year old as my inspiration. She was my guiding light. Her love, dependence and acceptance was my biggest motivator in pulling myself together for the sake of us.

2. I learned the true meanings of being humble and grateful. When I moved out of that house we built, we left with very little. We didn’t have a couch, TV, table or anything of the sort. I had two trays that we sat on the floor in the kitchen with and had a whole lot of “girls only picnics feasts” on. To my then three year old, that was fun. Instead of feeling sorry for myself for not having a kitchen table, I took my daughter’s sunshine stance on the situation and learned to let go of putting value into material possessions. Things don’t matter. They’re just things. Do they make lives easier and more convenient — sure. However, they were not the end all be all. She was.

Over time, we did accumulate our missing pieces. Was the couch we had the ugliest plaid you’d ever laid eyes on? You bet. I paid a friend $100 for it. But you know what? I was grateful for it. I threw a slip cover on it and over time, that living room really came together. It was truly ours and we built it slowly. I counted my blessings because I knew there were others who had a whole lot less than we did. When it was time to move out of that apartment and start another life, I gave that couch away, completely free with the slipcover, to another soul who found themselves in the same situation I had come from. I carry that lesson with me to this day to give where you can and help each other out. We are all in this thing called life together.

3. I learned it is possible to be friends with your ex. Over time, my ex-husband and I put away our petty bickering and actually became friends. I know some of you are re-reading that. Go ahead, I’ll be right here when the shock wears off.

Divorce doesn’t cease all contact. We had a child together and we had to learn to work together for her best interest. We both learned to communicate clearly and effectively with all matters pertaining to her and became better parents because of that. We actually get along really well. I’d go as far to say we get along better now than we did when we were married. We both know that although our lives moved in different directions, our daughter is the tie that binds. That tie doesn’t stop when she turns 18 and starts her own adult life journey. There will always be her life celebrations where she will want us at and neither want her to feel like she has to choose between us. There are graduations, birthdays, weddings, baby showers and things of that sort where she will want all of her parents at and we will be there, happily for her with zero negativity, drama or anything that will cause her to resent one or both of us.

4. I learned that you get what you give. Some are very quick to point out their “crazy ex” to me and I am quick to ask them “What did you do to drive them to that point?’ It always takes two and there is always his side, her side and the truth somewhere in the middle of everyone’s opinions. It’s too easy to fall into the trap of being hostile towards the ex. Divorce has such a nasty stigma and it truly doesn’t have to be ugly or any more difficult if you just do your part in treating each other with respect.

My ex husband and I work together around our hectic schedules to ensure that our daughter sees everyone. Why? Because it matters to both of us that she is happy and loved by everyone in her life — not just us. When you put someone else’s interests and needs above your own, good things happen. You become friends on social media, you become friends with each others new significant other on social media, you have their back and they have yours. It just works.

5. I learned that flying solo isn’t as bad as you think. It was odd at first and I didn’t really know what to do with myself. My apartment stayed immaculately clean and I re-discovered hobbies I had shelved. I began writing again for the first time in years, I tried new make up techniques, I listened to whole albums again, I laughed, I cried, I remembered. I re-connected with myself and for the first time, I truly learned who I was. I grew as a person and as a mom.

Those weekends alone helped shape me into the person I am today. I feel I am a better and more connected person because of all of it. It forced me to come face to face with some truths about myself, learn from it and move forward.

For those of you struggling with divorce, I wanted to offer my own insights. The struggle is a very real and very painful experience. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, even though mine was very amicable. There are always hopes where at times it only feels like emptiness. This is just the process of shaping you into becoming better. Trust the process.

A Few Bad Apples…

This school year for my elementary aged kiddo has been turned on its head and I know I’m not the only parent who feels this way. The past three months of online learning have been a shitshow, to say the least.

Let’s be clear – most of us, as parents, are not experts in classroom instruction of children. This is where we turn to those with degrees in education in non-covid times to “teach our children well”, but I must ask this question as I sit here day after day for months and try to now be Mrs. Garrity 3rd grade teacher, is this actually working for anyone? It doesn’t take a degreed individual to solve for X, when the answer is clearly “No.”

I believe the day of the in person classroom teacher will surely meet the same fate of the dinosaur and no one needs a Science degree to figure that out. Evolve or die, right? Sadly, I don’t feel that the teachers evolved, and our kids are paying the price for it.

I know some are already disagreeing with my stance on this, but I beg you to hear me out before you reach any conclusions. Let me share my own experience as a parent, part time teacher, full time worker and we just might all learn a thing or two.

In Mid March, Texas went strictly to remote learning. My kiddos then 2nd grade teacher jumped right in with Google classroom and helped all of us learn what we needed to do to get the work done. We had teacher – student Zoom Rooms twice a week and we all were learning and doing the best we could. Yes, there were times when we clicked the wrong button and had to “unsubmit” an assignment, but it’s no different than the shared purpose of a pink eraser. Mistakes happen, but they can be fixed. Best of all, we all got through it and we were ending the school year a whole lot smarter with Google Classroom than ever before. It was a life lesson for everyone – teachers, students and parents. We all did it, together.

Summer break seemed to fly by and it was no time before it was time to “go back to class”, except yet again, the chalkboards and whiteboards were happening on Google Classroom. This shouldn’t be so bad, right?

For me, this couldn’t have been farther from what I had expected. What I fell into was finding myself teaching the teachers how to use Google Classroom via email. My kiddo tried, but when he would try to be helpful, he got in trouble with his teachers, who have just escalated every bit of nonsense to the Assistant and Principal of the school he attends. So, here I was repeating the same thing he was trying to explain on “Google Classroom 101”.

We know Gen Z kids are basically brainiacs of technology, so don’t even think for a second they don’t know a thing or two about how technology works. My son learned to unlock my phone at two years old by watching me enter my passcode. It’s ingrained in them.

Where were these teachers for three months? No seriously. Why weren’t they spending time learning this platform and learning to master it? We did – my son and me, and every other parent because we had to. I believe they thought it was an option and it is seriously biting them and everyone in the ass.

I now spend my lunchbreak sitting next to him and helping him with school in addition to hours after 5. His lessons are recorded, and I’m filled with an hour of sifting through teachers getting on to kids, teachers not giving clear instructions, kids taking over the recorded sessions, teachers not understanding versioning of Google slides, teachers not understanding permissions, teachers with zero grasp of information technology, and more. I find myself asking the question of “Why am I, as a homeowner in this state, paying for this through my taxes?” Because, unfortunately, I don’t have a choice.

I have been told over and over “Give the teachers some grace.” Grace, huh? You’re asking us for grace when you aren’t even trying to listen to what we’re saying so we can get to an understanding. You get an F for effort.  I’m looking forward to the day when your kind becomes extinct, because that is where I feel we are headed – even beyond covid.

Someone, please, get teachers trained in Google Classroom and let’s get back to learning. Someone at the schools needs to know how it works inside and out. Please stop wasting our time running everyone in circles because you refused to adapt to technology and chose to bury your head in the sand like an ostrich. If you can work an iPhone, you can learn Google Classroom. Some of the apples out there are rotten, and we can smell it a mile away. They need to be tossed out before they spoil the bunch.

Or, maybe perhaps it is time to separate out this role and have in person teachers and online teachers, and the online teachers can earn more. I’d even be willing to pay higher property taxes for someone who “gets it”. Hell, I’d even be willing to create this program or job role or even do the online teacher job, because I have been building online learning curriculum for adults for over 20 years. This isn’t rocket science – it’s simply learning.

This isn’t an attack on every teacher. I know that there are some that did take on the responsibility to learn more about Google Classroom. Thank you. Any other job also requires all of us working adults to learn new technology and teachers aren’t getting a free pass from me on this one, just because they’re teachers.  For the teachers who took initiative and learned how Google Classroom works are who can have my “grace” by the cupful. You all get “A’s” in my book.

It’s About to Rain Wishes

I know if you’re feeling like I am right now, being outdoors is soothing to my soul. There is nothing I enjoy more than looking up at the sky and watching clouds, the moon or stars. The news of the annual visit from the Orionids are exactly what we all need right now. Let’s go venture outside, shall we?

Look towards the “club” of the constellation, Orion. Weird, I know, but just go with it.

The Orionids are scheduled to make their appearance late Tuesday night into early Wednesday morning, where the meteor shower will peak to as many as 20 shooting stars per hour. In layman’s terms, that is one every few minutes, if we’re lucky. The Orionids aren’t the strongest showers viewed from Earth in the universe, but the element of surprise is always a possibility. I’ll be taking my chances, regardless.

The moon will be in a waxing crescent phase, so that very little light from Earth’s satellite at just under 20% illumination will be ideal for seeing their traces across the uber early morning sky appear easier, if you move out and away from the bright lights of the city.

You can offer your thanks for the wishing stars up to the debris field leftover from Halley’s Comet, which we last saw (or didn’t?) in 1986. Everything comes back around eventually. It just takes time. I know we could all probably use a granted wish right now.

We are stardust brought to life, then empowered by the universe to figure itself out - and we have only just begun.” - Neil deGrasse Tyson

It’s With a Heavy Heart and Even Heavier Mind…

If I said the past few months have been kind to me, I would be a liar. Sorry, I am not a liar. Things have been not been so good If I’m being totally honest here and this is my blog, called Ardently Angela, where I am honest and not trying to be anything other than just genuinely me. Let’s go on a journey of the current path of my life, shall we?

August brought in more changes than I anticipated. I started a job with an amazing company who truly values its employees. This is one area that I am counting my blessings every single day. It’s a privately held company where I get to do what I love to do with fellow creative minds - create content. I couldn’t be happier, but it also has me rearranging a lot of things in my life that I found were no longer bringing me joy.

Instead of waking up whenever I wanted, I actually have to go to bed by 9pm because I get up before the sun to sip coffee and watch the news - in bed of course. This is my solace and the only quiet time I get in my busy day. I’ve had to change things up in my daily wardrobe where I found myself exchanging vape shirts for button ups. Again, no complaints. It was just time.

I’ve been working from home most days and not really feeling up to much social media posting, either.

Why? Because I felt like I had just lost everything, you guys and everything made me ugly cry or get super angry after hours when I would think about the changes.

I am not in control of everything and that is something that my Type A personality really struggles with. I have to tell myself all the time, “Not my pig, not my farm.”

I let my anger get the best of me and I wiped away everything that I loved - my podcast, this blog, putting together a show outline for a YouTube show I loved and even quit freelancing for a coffee company that I’ve supported for years. I let it all burn, just like that. This is not like me at all and is honestly a more of a behavior I’ve witnessed from my husband more than a few times. But you know what..it felt kind of good. It felt needed.

From the ashes the phoenix will rise, but not before this one crashes and explodes first.

Yesterday was the first day I tried to drive into downtown Dallas to go into the office. I had a full blown panic attack on the way in and on the way out. I haven’t felt that kind of fear in years. Now, I know for certain my mental health is not in a good place because this is a trauma that has left its mark on my brain. It is my biggest sign that shit ain’t right. Guess what? It’s not.

I’m very sad. I’m grieving a whole lot of loss all at once. I feel like I am losing my friends, my identity as a creative body, my sense of self worth is in the garbage and I cannot even drive myself back and forth to work in bumper to bumper Dallas traffic, ya’ll. Things are not sunshine and kitty cats right now.

I know these feelings will not last forever and I keep telling myself that it’s just a phase, but it feels like forever when you’re sitting smack dab in the middle of it.

My poor, sweet husband. Nicholas, I know I am a real mess right now but I really appreciate all of your wonderful talks with me. He is the reason I put my website and blog back up. He encourages me every day to be my best and knows right now I am taking baby steps just trying to breathe.

I’ve received an amazing and kind gift from a friend in the mail that I have a great idea to incorporate, but simply just do not have the mental energy to bring myself to do it. For that, I am truly sorry and feel like I let him down.

Tonight, someone asked me to be on their Halloween YouTube show. Again, I had to decline because of the same reason - I am just not feeling it at all right now. I haven’t watched any of my YouTube friends since August because I just don’t have it in me right now.

There is a tattered and beaten white flag of surrender hanging outside my door that was once an area ruled by pirates. So, if it feels like I have been distant, I have been and please don’t take it personal. I love you (yes, you reading this) more than you could ever know. I’m just not my best self right now.

This is Going to Sting a Little

“Life is about the choices we make the moments we don’t see coming and the strength to do what’s best for ourselves despite how much it may hurt.” - Samantha King

I made a very tough decision recently. I quit something I absolutely loved and was passionate about. I know that probably doesn’t make a lot of sense to some of you reading this and I wanted to talk about it in the only safe space I know where to convey my feelings best – writing.

Have you ever wanted to belong somewhere so badly that you would do just about anything? I’ve been there and this experience wasn’t my first rodeo, unfortunately.

The first crashed and burned due to lack of integrity. I am driven by my integrity. When I uncover a situation that lacks that, I’m out. I don’t care who or what the situation is. Doing the right thing all the time is my choice and doing the right thing sometimes is other people’s. These two just don’t align because they’re not meant to.

I feel sad, angry but also yet a little unclear. It’s a little foggy right now. I feel like I just ripped a scab off a wound I thought was healed but apparently not quite. It still stings like a motherfucker.

I’m learning that sometimes when you give 110%, it just isn’t enough for some people. They don’t appreciate you or the talents you bring. The issue lies with them – these aren’t your people and I have to keep reminding myself of that over and over.

It looked like my people, it felt like my people, but when I found myself drowning in lack of direction and power plays, that is not a tribe I want to be part of. I want collaboration, being around others who have ambition yet are also humble. I keep reminding myself that I have that in other areas of my life and that is my safe space right now.

Today, I feel like Alice when she is crying in Tulgey Wood and says “I give myself very good advice but I very seldom follow it” until it cripples me and I am faced with making a hard decision – stay and play and live in being unhappy or put an end to the chaos. I chose the latter because I will not compromise on my morals.

So, why do I feel like this? Because it was a change I wasn’t expecting to make. It was the feeling of acceptance of “they don’t want you in their sandbox, so please remove yourself from it”. This was the case for quite sometime now, but it just took me this long to fully process that. I don’t want to continue to go where I’m not wanted.

Today is just hard but I also know that I’ll get through it. Sometimes you have to clear out a path to allow new things to find you.

Hey, new thing, I’m here and ready when you are.

Rare Black Moon and Meteor Shower Tonight

Skygazers are in for a few treats tonight even though some of you are now likely humming CCR to yourself as you read this.

For most of us, we won’t be able to even see the current phase because it’s currently just coming off of it’s height of being a new moon. Think smaller than the tiniest thumbnail, which is slightly disappointing considering is a Black Moon and that is a pretty rare nighttime find.

Whoa, a Black Moon?! I know you’re intrigued.

The third new moon in a season with four new moons is deemed a “Black Moon”. During a Black Moon, the illumined side faces away from Earth, so we are truly looking at the Dark Side of the Moon. Pretty cool, huh?

The next seasonal Black Moon isn’t coming around until 2023, so there will be a wait for the next one.

While the Black Moon isn’t visable from Earth, we are able to lay our eyes on a meteor shower tonight, too, so at least there’s that. The Kappa Cygnids will be on display in the Draco constellation. Look for it around 10 p.m. local time in a dark sky location.

Happy skygazing, everyone!

Warning: It’s Bad Poetry Day

We’ve all seen the attempts that people put out in the name of the arts, but bad poetry is just that…bad. However, around here, even when it’s bad, it’s still good so grab a pen and do what you will inspiring keeper of words, because today is Bad Poetry Day. Today is after all, your day to practice the delicate art of crafting words that flow for the world or perhaps you might want to keep them to yourself.  

Writing isn’t easy, and it takes a special creative mind to string them together. Not just anyone can convey emotion and arrange the words on a whim. This is total creative freedom at its finest and sometimes its worst but there are no rules of engagement here except to flex your fingers and get to writing. It’s your creation, after all.

According to MasterClass, there are “15 types of poetic forms” so choose one to share that suits your style let’s see what you’ve got.  Your work may be near and dear to your heart or might make others roll their eyes but either way, it evokes emotion and that’s the whole point, right?

If you’re not feeling so daring to try your own hand at writing, there are always Metal Spoken Word versions of a classic from Poe called “The Sleeper”. If you really want to dip into something a little dark and real from something more current, maybe you’d like to listen in to twenty minutes of spoken word by Henry Rollins entitled “Monster” from “Black Coffee Blues”.  

No matter how you wish to indulge yourself (or torture others), today is all about commemorating bad poetry and no one is safe on these streets.

We See and Hear You, “Karen”

Change is inevitable, I completely get that. But sometimes it happens to people that seriously leave me scratching my head and wondering who this person is.

I know that social media is having its heyday with “Karen” right now but as an INJF, I’ve wondered how this super shitty personality type even manifested to begin with? I feel like I have sort of pieced a typical Karen together. I think that understanding a Karen will help us all better deal with the next Karen that comes around.

In speaking from my own experience, not much about me has changed since I was a teenager. I still have a lot of my same core values I’ve always had, as have many of you. However, this is where I firmly believe the Karen is rooted in her garden of her own lies that she, herself planted.

To say these women are not happy is an understatement, but I believe it goes further back that just than just making a blanket statement. These women do not love themselves at all. Let’s go back in time, shall we?

I am a Gen Xer, but never heard this term existing until some Baby Boomers and younger generations came into fruition.

What I remember is seeing a lot of young girls in high school in the 90’s who were very broken and acting out because of it. They came from not so perfect households and truly ran wild with sex, drugs, drinking, skipping school – you name it.

Some of them married young, had kids young and have had a slew of partners since that time. Maybe some married men who truly did not love them and had hoped that marrying into money would make their problems disappear? Who exactly knows except for them - and they’re not saying.

I’m not judging here because I’m no angel. I am just bringing this to light so explain my observances.

Then, at some point around their 30’s, these women have a serious breakdown. All of their pain and things they missed out on hit them like a tidal wave of truth. It is just too much for them to look at themselves and deal with it. So what do they do? They create a new life. A new version of themselves that is 180 degree opposite of the young woman they know.

They post their new, perfect life on social media for the world to celebrate and comment on, seeking validation from their peers. They need to prove to the world that they’ve changed and gotten wise now in their 40’s+.

They catch their own kids experimenting with the things that they blame their own downfalls of life on, share their family’s own “just say no” stance publicly and start grassroots committees with other moms. Suddenly, their lives have “meaning” and there is no way they’re walking away from this newfound glory.

What I am getting at here is these moms are our peers, you guys. These women were the bad girls in school who chose to undo everything about themselves in a desperate cry for love, acceptance, and validation. Honestly, it’s very sad.

Their new livelihoods seek to destroy anything and anyone who cannot get on board with their vision of perfections. They’ll scream and throw a fit at anyone who they feel is standing in their way, whether it be their misspelled name on the side of their coffee or their own kid who their desperately trying to “save” from becoming like they once were.

Creating a new life isn’t going to actually replace anything. They’ll still be the same broken women inside, until they learn to love themselves and accept who they truly are – good and bad.

If you should come in contact with a Karen, just ignore them. Let them live their life in their own head and remember that silence speaks volumes. They’ll be onto something else to crusade about soon enough anyway.

Please love yourself wholeheartedly and learn to be okay with being vulnerable. No one is perfect and we all have our faults. That is what makes us beautiful, complicated creatures.

The Future is Becoming Clear

For the past few days, I’ve actually felt pretty great. I’ve been riding this mental high of positivity that stems from feeling like the focus adjustments I’ve been making are finally taking shape and blooming. The future is becoming clearer with each passing day.

I started my website, so now, all of my content lives in one place. That was a huge undertaking and I am really happy with how this site turned out. I’ve always loved old Hollywood, Film Noir and to me, life is pretty black and white. I don’t live my life in grey areas because that is where things get way too complicated for me to even try to understand or process. I’m very pleased with this effort.

Honestly, the past few weeks have been very rough for me. I’ve felt very overwhelmed by life, things around me and needed to put my time, attention and energy back where it belonged – in my own reflections of my life.

I can get sucked into other people’s opinions, ignorance, drama and spin my wheels in trying to help them out of it or lend my voice of thought where it isn’t welcome, appreciated nor warranted. I’ve decided that I don’t have the capacity for that anymore. “Angela Goes First” started out as a joke but serves as a reminder that I need to keep the focus on doing just that. When I feel like I’m not staying in my own lane, a simple look up above my desk serves as that reminder that I need from time to time.

So here I am – Happily living life simply and openly being me. I don’t know exactly what the future holds, but I do know where I’ve been, where I’m at right now and have that sense of peace of the direction I’m headed in.

Thoughts from a Vaper with COVID-19

Our health is truly important – more so now than ever. Sadly, many have lost their battle and it has cost them their lives in this worldwide pandemic. My heart aches hearing about families who’ve lost a loved one and I’m concerned when I hear information pour into my ears about anyone who catches this form of coronavirus. However,  I’ve been wondering for some time now what it would be like to test positive for COVID-19 as a vaper.

Someone who I will respectively keep anonymous to safeguard their privacy, shared with me recently their own account experiences with COVID-19. This person is over 21 years of age whom exclusively uses vaping devices, but wanted to share their own, personal experience.

What was it like to have COVID-19? What was it like to test positive as a vaper, though?

“Having the Coronavirus or Covid-19 (for me) was initially a bit scary and drove my anxiety a bit insane...at first. It is, like many other viruses about the severity of your particular case and mine was very mild compared to those we’ve all read about that hospitalized so many throughout the county. My family was not alone in losing someone close to us due to Covid-19. 

My symptoms began with waking up with the chills and sweats. I did not have shortness of breath but did have a fever for a couple days, body aches, a dry cough, congestion as well as a loss of my senses of taste and smell. My family took the necessary precautions and began to disinfect common surfaces and I was then tested...a few days later the results were in and isolation began. The state Department of Public Health was very helpful and kept in contact with me the entire time, today I went for my retest and am hoping for a negative result.”

I wondered for a moment what this must be like while trying to vape.

“My symptoms, though mild as I mentioned, did not prevent me from vaping. The only thing was that I couldn’t smell or taste my e-liquids. It did not cause my cough to become worse while or after vaping, it was like vaping air (LOL). I needed the nicotine to aid in my sanity from not being able to go to work or anywhere else for that matter.“

I was curious if this person felt like they benefitted from vaping e-liquids that contained nicotine. Did they feel that it could’ve helped minimize their exposure or limited their symptoms?

“I personally don’t feel that vaping nicotine could have minimized my exposure to Covid-19 due to being an essential employee I honestly believe, even with proper social distancing and disinfection techniques I was bound to get it. I am extremely thankful to have had such a mild case which I would like to think could possibly be attributed to the fact I vape instead of smoke combustible tobacco.”

What advice would they like to share about their own experience with COVID-19?

“My advice to anyone about Covid-19 is that it is very real and can be devastating. If you are showing any symptoms, please self-isolate and contact your local testing site to make an appointment. I am a huge advocate for early intervention, if you can catch something early enough, it may aid in your recuperation. If you do test positive, listen to what your local health department people have to say and always consult with a medical professional.”

 Any special advice particularly for vapers about COVID-19?

“My advice for vapers about Covid-19 is about the same for those who are not vapers. I would add though, do not share your vape with anyone. This should go without saying, but we’ve all seen it and may have even done it, ourselves. We need to slow the spread of this and it starts with you.”

In wrapping up, what did they learn from this? Life is full of lessons and I wanted to get their thoughts on this, in particular, about their own experience.

“I went through this with the help, love and support of my family, friends and some of those who knew my situation in the vaping community, without that I could have seen my anxiety taking over and it could have very possibly been worse. You kind of look at yourself in another way because you’re forced to be with yourself for longer and you can start to realize your bad habits. I always thought I washed my hands, disinfected areas or used hand sanitizer at the proper times and in proper amounts but that was not the case. I am however, better at it now. (LOL)”

Daylight Saving Time is Bad for You and Here’s Why

People are quite divided on their love (or loathe) of Daylight-Saving Time. The idea of “Springing Forward” to enjoy more hours of seeing the sun might sound ideal but with it brings the dreaded realization that we are losing sleep and having to get up an hour earlier than we are used to. Time waits for no one and the Monday following DST is here, just in time to toll our circadian rhythms to the tune of “out of whack”.

Just this simple task of moving the hour hand can trigger underlying health issues, according to Time and Date.

A lack of sleep is a minor annoyance for most people, but for some it can be detrimental to their health.

• A Swedish study found that the risk of having a heart attack increases in the first 3 weekdays after switching to DST in the spring.

• Tiredness induced by the clock change is thought to be the main cause for the increase in traffic accidents on the Monday following the start of DST.

• On Mondays after the start of DST there were more workplace injuries, and the injuries were of greater severity compared with other Mondays.

• The start of DST has also been linked to miscarriages for in vitro fertilization patients.

The findings don’t stop there. The New Daily has their own bad news to share about other examples of why Daylight-Saving Time is bad.

• A 2016 study from the University of Turku, Finland, found that the overall rate of ischemic stroke was eight percent higher during the first two days after a daylight saving time transition. There was no difference after two days.

• Another 2016 study titled Sleepy Punishers Are Harsh Punishers: Daylight Saving Time and Legal Sentences found that judges in the United States tended to give defendants longer sentences the day after switching to daylight saving time compared with other days of the year.

Americans cannot escape the movement of time, unless your living in most of Arizona, a US territory or Hawaii, where they don’t tolerate this time hop that was implemented in the United States in 1918 to make better use of natural daylight in their local time zone.

Being tired is tough and can decrease productivity, concentration, and general well-being. Try to get some rest the days leading up to the change and allow yourself time to process in the days that follow.

One more thing that likely is impacting my mood along with the time change— it’s Daylight Saving Time with no “s”. No one is out there “savings daylight” on behalf of letting the sunshine in. Can we just cancel this already?

One of the Scariest Things I’ve Ever Done

In January of this year, I finally dropped my pen name. The request to remit published articles using my name came at the request of my Editors. That was probably one of the scariest moments in my life.

For years, I had been blogging under a nom de plume. I opted for writing under a pseudo name because I wanted to express my thoughts, feelings and emotions freely. Also, being me is sometimes a scary thing (for me, not you). I am always harder on myself than anyone could ever imagine. No one scares or intimidates me more than me. I am truly my own worst critic.

When I write, I read it a million times and comb over it, obsessively. I want it to be perfect. It cannot just perfect in my eyes, but it must be valued in the eyes of my readers. I want to capture their minds by describing things down the minute details so they can essentially “be there” in that moment with me, reliving the tale. This is and always has been my goal. I guess it is something I’ve captured into my writing style.

Am I ashamed of who I am? Never. I’ve always just separated my writing from myself, but it sounded like it was time to own being me and thus my Editors pushed me into the forefront. My name was published alongside others into the magazine we write for. My nerves were shot.

Looking back, this was one of the best decisions they ever coaxed me into. Was it scary? Was it uncomfortable? Yes and Yes. I felt like I was being outed over something I didn’t do, but actually did do.

I write. I contribute. I capture people’s stories of success, heartache, triumphs and failures and resurrect them for readers. I bring the reader into the moment, as if the reader is hearing the story firsthand.

This outing (if you will) has lead me to writing daily on our company’s website, where my articles trend alongside the other web writers and journalists, touch the hearts of the readers of our print editions, build amazing rapport with the business owners, report industry news, and lead readers to knowing about the latest and greatest products in the industry.

About a year later, after writing an in depth piece on a particular gentlemen and exposing the person that he actually is and not what people’s perceptions of him are, the tables turned greatly in my favor. That article gained a lot of traction. It was in that moment, that I felt like I truly knew my worth as myself and not the name I hid under.

My publication’s Editor in Chief took a chance on me when I was a nobody. I will never forget nor forsake the publication I write for and the leadership and team we have grown into and are still ever striving to be. I was just a lady who wanted to write and felt I had something to say. I called my now Editor in Chief and said “Hey, I want to write for you.” He asked for some samples and I stressed over his decision until that call came that said, “You’re hired!”

Today, I have a cover story I am very honored to have written and continue to balance print and web deadlines without ever skipping a beat. I truly love what I do and I’m finally comfortable doing it as myself.

I guess what I am learning is that we all matter. Everyone has a story to tell and I want to be that gatherer of theirs. Recently, someone saw me and said, “Wow, how did you become a published writer?” My answer was simple — Know your worth, don’t be afraid to ask, the worst someone can say is “No” and that “No” might be the best decision for you, even if it feels like a major disappointment at the time. Everything happens for a reason and the right doors will open for you if you believe, work hard and have an unquenchable passion.

No Talkie Before Coffee

It may come as a surprise to hear that I am actually an introvert. I feel a lot of people will peg me as an extrovert because I am pretty approachable and social. Everyone gets the best of me when I’ve had quiet time to recompose myself in my own solitude. The quiet allows me to regroup and think. The thinking and being inside of my own head is where the creativity starts to flow. This is where the magic happens for me.

Mornings are honestly my favorite time of the day, providing that each one starts with coffee and silence. This is not usually the case in our blustering household and I find my few minutes I need of “me time” always under interruption.

I don’t enjoy hearing the commotion that comes from the news, someone chiming in with their opinion of some else’s Facebook status, a hot new post on Instagram or the latest trending topic on Twitter. Honestly, during that time, I just don’t care. I’d appreciate a few minutes to just chill and be alone with my thoughts.

As an introvert, I do enjoy people’s company, but I will admit that they exhaust me from time to time. Too much “peopling” drains my spirit and that makes me into someone I don’t even like. Imagine a gas tank running on near empty all the time. That is what it feels like for me. I have to set boundaries — not for others so much, as I do for myself.

The sound of silence is golden for me. My mind gets to wander off aimlessly and sometimes I even surprise myself with the humdingers I can muster up by just not doing.

If you’re looking for the best of me, shhhh…give me a few minutes while I refill this cup of joe. It’ll be worth it. I promise.

What ‘s Your Art?

What’s your art? I’ve been thinking a lot on this topic, actually.

I’m very blessed to be surrounded by talented models, photographers, coil builders, juice line owners, tattoo artists, jewelry makers, mod makers, friends, family, writers, reviewers, bloggers, vloggers, and so forth on a daily basis in my social media feeds and circles. Their images that reflect their art is of true beauty, as it is expressive and always has something to say. This is what I love the most; art in its most untouched form.

I’ve always been a creative person and marched to my own beat. I do my own thing and I always try to encourage others to continue to express themselves, too. Find your artistic voice and use it. Don’t stop and don’t look back. We only move forward.

Is it a little scary putting yourself out there like that for the world to see? Absolutely. The world has a few choices when they use their senses and come across our masterpieces. Our art can be berated and verbally destroyed by some, it can be ignored by others or it can be appreciated by those it was meant for.

As artists, we bear our souls in hopes that our expression speaks to someone who can appreciate it or even connect with that expression. That is where the magic you’ve created happens for me.

One of my favorite poems that really speaks to me is “The Dream Keeper” by Langston Hughes.

Fellow artists, I encourage your creativity. In fact, I need your creativity daily. You encourage me and help spark my own creativity. I need to be surrounded by beautiful words and pictures, as your art is what touches my soul. It is my hungry heart that needs to stop, look and appreciate your expression no matter what message it is you’re trying to convey nor what platform you use.

Don’t be discouraged by those that don’t appreciate, understand or like your art. It isn’t meant for them.

Small, Beautiful Things

By nature, I'm truly a sentimental person. Some of my most treasured items are the little things I have collected as gifts along my walk of life.

These small gestures mean more to me than anyone can truly understand. They were random acts of kindness bestowed to me that I hold dear. I keep these gifts in sight, because it helps remind me that there are good people in the world.

Last Saturday, we had three friends that drove at least 5 hours to come to the raffle Nick and I threw. All proceeds went to Houston charities. These friends did not have to travel as far as they did. The point is, they did. Because they care about the community and the greater good. They care about donating to Texans who lost everything.

Surrounding myself with people and their companies who are truly generous, kind and who believe in making a difference in humanity is what keeps me going. It's their small acts of random kindness that I witness that truly take my breath.

There's too much hatred and negativity that surround all of us daily and it's these little things of hope that make me smile and give me faith that there are still good people in the world. Surround yourself with these people. They are the visionaries, the dreamers, the risk takers, the successful ones, the ones with beautiful hearts and minds.

The Forgotten

As a kid, I remember the excitement that came with Fall. Not with watching football, or pining over casseroles but the one, the big one, that I spent hours thinking about, planning and designing. Halloween.


Somewhere along the way, something happened and Halloween lost its way. It became uncelebrated, filled with risqué costumes and glitter. Oh Lord, the glitter! It got masked in "Autumn Celebrations" and lost all of its charm.


It got replaced with that rush to experience Christmas. Every year, I see Halloween being forced out of its once loved retail home on store shelves. It's such an unwelcome holiday to many anymore. No one dresses up, no Halloween parties are thrown, not many decorate their houses, trick or treating has been replaced by trunk or treat. Booo....


How did this happen? Have we clung so tightly to conservatism that Halloween just doesn't align with our values anymore? Is there a preconceived notion that celebrating Halloween damns our souls because it's a "Pagan holiday"? Why are we slowly letting Halloween become the forgotten holiday?


Well, not in my house. We put up Halloween decorations on October 1st to celebrate 31 days of horror movies, orange and black, jack o lanterns, and things that go bump in the night. We make Halloween playlists that include everything from The Monster Mash to Ministry's "Every day is Halloween". We make fun recipes. We watch scary movies. We make it a point to use these 31 days to get creative.


I invoke you to think about Halloween for a second. There's still time. What can you do to help keep the spirits alive?

Gen X…Too Dumb to Notice?

With 2017 coming to a close, I'm taking today to grab inspiration. I'm feverishly finishing articles for Vape Magazine's February 2018 edition but finding solace in reliving my adult youth from music. Today, it's the 90's. 

I've been spending the day with dark and moving artists like Marilyn Manson, NIN, Korn and Rammstein because that is what my 20 year old self knew. It was a time in my life of non-stop abundance and indulgence in life around me.  I was a young girl striving to find out who she really was. I threw myself into music seeking lyrics to help me uncover every nook and cranny of myself. I wanted to know it all and feel it all - the joy, anger, heartbreak, laughter. I wanted to give every feeling it's own identity and call every demon by its name. I wanted the pure and raw self. 

Today, I am re-harnessing that energy into writing. I have this music blaring as I write, unbeknownst to the world around me. It's my secret sanctuary where I find peace because i am free to be myself. Do you get exhilarated on the energy of "Superbeast" from Rob Zombie?  For me, this angry music of the 90's releases this pent up energy and either makes me want to punch someone in the face or write. Today, I choose to write. I never said I was an angel or promised you a rose garden, after all.

I know I am not alone in this feeling that this type of music gives us. I know there are plenty out there who can identify with exactly what it is I'm saying. It's a Gen X angst that I think only our generation truly understands. It's not that we are "old" or "bitter". No one is screaming at kids to get off our lawns....yet.

We were the Disposable Teens of the 90's. We fought our way out of what society told us we should be, dealt with teen pregnancy and survived losing friends to drug overdoses. We turned out just fine, I'd say, despite our parents not "understanding us". I still don't think they or our bosses can identify with us much, but by being unaccepted, I think it helped us understand our children and others a lot more. It taught us to listen and be more accepting to things that quite don't fit our mold. For that, we should all be grateful. We didn't turn out like them at all. I would say this is exactly what "the lost generation" set out to do and twenty years later, we can finally relish in our glory. Mission accomplished. 

When I hear lyrics from "Only" and Reznor says "I just made you up to hurt myself", I think we all can relate to a deep-seeded demon lying around somewhere still. We stuff him down. He's dusty, but he's still there. I don't think demons like that truly ever go away. We just deal with them the best way we know how.


This is the music that defined us. This is our generation. 

It’s Scary Sometimes

I've never been one much for the whole "New Year, New Me" type of thing but things are transpiring that I think I ready to let go of. I'm being encouraged by those whom I respect a lot to let go of my blogger name. Eeek! Am I ready for this?! 

Maybe I should give the backstory to catch some of you up? 

What seems like eons ago, I opted to blog under a pen name. Why didn't I do it as myself? Well, a few reasons. First, I don't ever think I give myself enough credit for what I love to do - write. Secondly, being me is sometimes a scary thing (for me, not you). I am always harder on myself than anyone could ever imagine. No one scares or intimidates me more than me. I am truly my own worst critic.

When I write, I read it a million times and comb over it, obsessively. I want it to be perfect. It cannot just perfect in my eyes, but it must be valued in the eyes of my readers. I want to capture their minds by describing things down the minute details so they can essentially "be there" in that moment with me, reliving the tale. This is and always has been my goal. I guess it is something I've captured into my writing style.

Am I ashamed of who I am? Never. I've always just separated my writing from myself, but it sounds like it's time to own being me. Most of you reading this, already know me. I've just updated my name on Instagram and started posting blogs from Vape News Magazine as myself. I don't know if I'll dissolve my Facebook nom de plume page or not yet. I honestly haven't thought that far ahead yet. 

Family, I apologize in advance if you will now be flooded with articles, blogs and stories on your timelines. It is just who I am. But this, you already know. 

The Struggle

I see myself as a creative person. Sometimes though, I feel like I really struggle to create anything.

Even as I sit here, I feel like I’ve lost my zest for posting things I love whether it be writing something epic, launching the idea I have been mulling over for months now or even something as simple as a FaceBook or Instagram post. It all feels forced and lifeless right now.

Everyday feels like I just go through the motions of what I am “supposed to do” instead of having any downtime or stillness. In that quiet, I find what it is I truly want to do, say and feel.

Is this depression? I don’t think it is. I don’t really have anything to be depressed about, except for the fact that I crave this solitude, so I can find my creativity side and let it kick up into high gear. This is truly were I am as giddy as a school girl and have a million ideas – not just for myself but for others.
I do enjoy helping other people, but lately even that is taking a backseat. I feel like I truly give until the everything is empty. Everyone has their handout for their piece and I’m oh so tired of giving.  I want to shout at the world sometimes like Mouth did in The Goonies when the kids stumble upon the wishing well, that “This was my dream!”, but what good will that do when no one can hear it? They’re too busy cashing in on that, which I gave freely from the wishing well. I’m not even merely a thought anymore.

Don’t misunderstand this context. I absolutely do not expect a hero to step in and help me accomplish my dreams and goals. That isn’t realistic, nor do I take stalk in others playing that part for me. It has always just been me. I am in charge of my life. I just feel like I’m at a crossroads and everywhere around me is dust gathering tumbleweeds for the eye to see for miles. That what being uninspired looks like inside my head. A big nothing. A barren place.

I feel like I am stranded in this ghost town until lightening strikes and ignites that fire within me. I know that fire well, but it has been gone for so long that all I see is this vacated landscape where everything is dry and desperate for life giving water.
​
I feel like big changes are coming but am just unsure of what they are or when they’ll arrive. But tonight, it starts here with being completely open and honest about the thoughts placating my mind. I feel stuck in this rut right now but am hopeful that it won’t last forever. Life never does. 

I've Got a Super Power!

I've got a super power! I don't feel like I can contain this secret any longer and need to share it with the world. 

Now that I have your attention, let me give you a little bit of background so you can fully envelop this for yourself. 

About 20 years ago, I was shocked to discover that I am actually an Introvert. This may come as a surprise to some, but trust me, no one was as surprised to uncover this as I was. If that Myers-Briggs test had a grade, I would've counted on passing with flying colors and been horrified to be handed back a barely passing "D -". 

Most that meet me would describe me as "outgoing, friendly and welcoming". This is true...to some extent. Those that are quick to jump to these qualities in their description have only caught me at the right moment in time, like during those meeting exchanges when you have to be your best. Like when you're meeting a teacher or a new work group. I, honestly, find those moments grueling and my mind immediately goes into this random weird place where I am oh so thankful my thoughts cannot be heard. Here's just an example of what it's like for me in a matter of 10 seconds:

Me verbally: "Hi, it's nice to meet you."
Them verbally: "Hello, what have you been up to lately?"
Me physically: Standing there in awkward silence for a second while this mental train runs at full speed, crashes and burns with people screaming inside of it.
Me mentally while this train is running at full speed: "Did you watch American Horror Story last night?! Did you see the Re-Tweet from the Church of Satan calling out American Horror Story writers for their misappropriation of the Anton LaVey character?" I was floored about this for a few reasons.
First off, who knew that the Church of Satan had a Twitter account! I was shocked to see that.
Secondly, they blasted American Horror Story over social media about it. Wow.
Also, what did you think about the Directorial debut of Sarah Paulson?
Me verbally: "Oh not much. How are you?' - purposely deflecting the question off of me to them to not have to have the conversation that just ran through my head and would have left them looking for the nearest exit. 

It is not easy to be me. If I freely spoke about the crazy thoughts I have to just anyone on the street, they'd try to convince my husband to have me committed. Also, I know that they would get too wrapped up in "hot point" words such as "Church of Satan" and "Anton LaVey" and completely miss the whole point I was trying to make to deepen the discussion about "Twitter" and "Directorial debuts". Sigh...so I find it easier to just respond with a defector of mediocrity. 

I honestly loathe having to go through the motions of small talk. I seek deep conversations with meaning. You know, the kind you have late at night over coffee with a close friend, where you're changing minds and solving world problems at Denny's at 3am. I struggle with even trying to verbalize what I'm trying to say at times, because my mind never pauses long enough to let words move from my brain to my mouth the way I want to express it. 

I can also profess that being an Introvert certainly has it perks. I can read people's thoughts and emotions like a book without them knowing that I know, until the time is right to discuss these things. That is generally where I let them just talk and I ease into "I know how badly your ego craves recognition." or "I know how upset you are right now that you didn't get that promotion". That is my super power, guys. I am processing what you're feeling, thinking and behavior you're displaying probably faster than you can even acknowledge. Don't fret. Your secret is safe with me. 

That is my INFJ intuition kicking into high gear and being able to relate, so I can help you wade through your mud. You may not like what I have to say if you ask me for advice, because I am not a sugar-coater of truths. I will always lay it all out there as I see it for you to do with it what you will.

And for those who are hung up on the awkward mess I can be at times, the whole Twitter exchange thing actually happened. You can read more about it here. 

Oh one more secret to share, dear reader. We all have a super power. It's what you do with it that matters.